Discover Your Emotional Attachment Style – and Transform Your Relationships

Ever wonder why you keep dating the same emotionally unavailable person? Or why love feels like a battlefield?

I did. Until I realized that you can discover your emotional attachment style and find the answer to your frustrations. After years of wondering, trials, tears, arguments and feeling stuck, I finally cracked the code – your attachment style dictates your love life, friendships and even your self-worth.

But here is the good news: you can rewrite it.

Korean woman looking out a window thinking about attachment style

It’s the unconscious pattern we carry into every relationship.

Think of it as the emotional “operating system” installed in you when you were a child.

It controls how close you feel to others, how safe you feel when you are vulnerable, and even how you react when someone pulls away.

Your attachment style was not your choice.
But healing it is.

So what is your Emotional Attachment Style?

Take the Quiz →

I used to have Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) relationship style and I never understood my ex who was always saying how I cannot live without him, how he has no freedom, how I don't let him breathe, but when he came close I pushed him away. Afraid of the touch, afraid of the closeness - 10 years of total chaos.

I blamed him for everything, until I started looking into my depths and found out how everything is connected to my childhood. My mind BLEW!

Anxious Attachment

What It Looks Like:	Obsessing over texts, fear of abandonment, overgiving to feel loved
Why It Develops:	Inconsistent care or emotional abandonment in childhood
Challenges:	Exhausting partners, self-worth tied to others
How to Heal:	Practice self-validation, set boundaries, know love is not begging

Avoidant Attachment

What It Looks Like:	“I need space” mantra, emotional walls, pulling away from closeness
Why It Develops:	Dismissive or controlling parenting, emotional neglect
Challenges:	Loneliness despite freedom, sabotaging intimacy
How to Heal:	Lean into discomfort, practice 1 vulnerable conversation per week

Secure Attachment

What It Looks Like:	Comfortable with closeness, easy trust, healthy conflict resolution
Why It Develops:	Consistent, reliable care and emotional support in childhood
Challenges:	Taking love for granted, forgetting to nurture connection
How to Maintain:	Keep choosing secure partners, support others’ growth

Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized)

What It Looks Like:	Push-pull behavior, “Come close, now go away!”, chaos in love
Why It Develops:	Abuse, neglect, or trauma in childhood
Challenges:	Emotional rollercoasters, sabotaging trust
How to Heal:	Therapy (like EMDR), nervous system work, reparenting practices

How To Heal Your Attachment Wounds
(And How I Did It)

Step 1: Recognize Your Patterns

Did your parents dismiss your emotions? You might now seek validation from partners.
Were you punished for crying? You might now suppress feelings.
Were your emotional needs neglected? You might now push people away when being vulnerable.

Exercise: Think or journal about your earliest memory of feeling “not good enough” and listen to where you feel it in the body. Try to let the feeling just be - listen to what it has to say.

Step 2: Rewire Your Nervous System

Think how your past is always running beside your present. Whatever you're healing now, you're actually healing your past self.

Practice self-soothing (meditation, breathwork, self-hug). Think of the past event that was traumatizing and put your adult self next to your past self. Give your past self what you needed back then.

Be the most loving parent to yourself - The parent you never had.

Step 3: Looking at It from Another Perspective

Anxious? Try to see overgiving as how much you are hurting yourself for little crumbs. Love shouldn’t feel like begging.
Avoidant? Lean into vulnerability just for a tiny bit. Real strength is in feeling, where you don't want to go, in connection.

Step 4: Shadow Work

Ask yourself:

What am I afraid to feel?
What am I afraid is going to happen?

...and go from there even deeper.

Talking to Yourself is a Sign of a Higher Intelligence.

Conclusion

Your relationships reflect your inner world. If you keep attracting chaos, it’s not bad luck - it’s an invitation to see deeper and heal.

Now, I want to hear from you:

What’s your attachment style?

What’s one small step you’ll take today to heal?

Drop a comment below - let’s grow together.

— Mia P.

This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice.

If you're struggling emotionally or psychologically, we strongly encourage you to consult a licensed mental health professional.